Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, week three

Whoops, I had this scheduled to go live tomorrow instead of today. I FAIL AT CALENDARS. Fortunately I caught it before midnight!

So I notice we’re back to showing three minutes of Coach doing Tai Chi every episode. Fantastic. And did you see his uncut, unabridged confessional about honor and integrity? I guarantee he rehearsed that in the hotel before he came out and then again in the jungle just before tribal. Meanwhile we have nobodies like Danielle and Courtney getting so little screen time they might as well be stick figures or flea circuses.

Candace is a terrible player, I’ve decided. J.T. told Cirie that Candace told him that Cirie didn’t trust her. Cirie relayed this lie to Candace, but didn’t reveal the source. Candace spent the rest of the day asking everyone at camp “Did you tell Cirie I said I didn’t trust her?” Candace, you are not in high school, sweetheart. The goal of this game is not to find out who said what about who behind who’s back. I’m not even sure what she was expecting, someone to fess up? Does she not understand the concept of lying? Sheesh.

Over at Camp Villain a few folks approached Russell with concerns that he’s spending too much time with Parvati. Actually it was just two folks: Coach, who I remind you is off teabagging Jerri in the woods during the sixteen seconds per day the camera isn’t pointed at him, and Boston Rob, who sex0red his way to second place in All-Stars. In typical Russell fashion, he responded by talking big in a confessional about how Coach and Rob need to go.

Also in typical Russ fashion, he responded by sabotaging camp life by throwing away the machete. I am reminded that these players might not know Russ’s game, depending on how much of Samoa aired before they started filming HvV. The answer must be “not very much” because, otherwise, “shit be goin’ crazy ’round camp” should lead directly back to him. I think we’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The challenge was purely physical, so the Heroes mopped up with a flawless victory. As long as they don’t have to solve puzzles these guys have the game in the bag. The “knock your opponent off the platform” challenge is simple and brutal. Coach proved how honorable and classy he is by using his arm instead of his sumo bag to score on Rupert and then flipping Probst off when he called for a do-over. (Rupert won the do-over handily.)

James vs. Randy was particularly good. That round was over in exactly two hits: James hitting Randy, and Randy hitting the ground about twenty feet away. If he’d been hit any harder the Villains wouldn’t have had to voted him off; he’d already be out of the game by virtue of geosynchronous orbit.

Randy did pretty much nothing to save himself after the Villains lost the challenge. He squeaked a bit about how Parvati is evil and has friends she’s going to hook up with after the merge… but he didn’t do anything to sell it. (Of course aiming at Parvati means aiming at Russell, so Randy was still doomed… but he didn’t know that.)

He flung his buff into the fire after he got voted out. Powerful message there, Randy. You sure showed them.

Who’s gonna win? Sticking with Russell. Nothing in particular happened this episode to change my mind.

Also, I don’t typically comment on the “next episode” bump, but it looks like next week Coach breaks down and cries about how nobody likes him. Oh joy!

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