Because I’m just crazy enough to drink something like this.

You look at the ingredients above and think, “How cute! Brick likes to make milkshakes.” Which is absolutely true; I do like milkshakes. They are my favorite dessert, and the sole reason I own a blender. Of course, your next thought is “Wait a minute. Why is there a red bell pepper in that image? Is… is that crazy bastard going to make a red pepper milkshake!?”

Oh, indeed I am. Or rather, did. Because these images are from last August. I know it was in August because the expiration date on the milk (see inset) says so. That means I did all this nonsense months ago, had the foresight to take pictures, but never got around to actually writing a blog post about it (see previous update).

More interesting than when, of course, is why I did this. Simple: someone dared me. I was discussing with some pals about how tasty red peppers were, and made a crack to the effect of “red peppers make everything better!”, and someone called my bluff. I believe it was a dare of the double dog variety, so you can see my predicament. My hand was forced.

The actual process of making a milkshake is of course very simple: milk plus vanilla ice cream plus whatever flavor you want the shake to be. When I’m not screwing around this typically ends up being peanut butter, or banana, or peanut butter banana. We managed to find a bottle of maraschino syrup one time which made for a pretty rad shake. Once or twice I’ve even used Pepsi to create a kind of float-esque Frankenshake.

By the way, the reason there is a plastic bag wrapped around the spigot on my blender is because the damn thing broke after using it once or twice. Apparently the thing was designed to make smoothies, not milkshakes, and my delicious frozen treats were too manly (read: thick) to pass through. Somehow this caused the handle to snap off, and without the ability to open and close the spout it became impossible to clean properly. Some pretty nasty gunk built up inside there, so I used a Ziploc bag to protect my precious concoction from deadly bacteria.

Because I am the MacGuyver of milkshakes.

As you can see, the final product is a very nice shade of pukey-pink. If you want a more Hollywood shake, add a drop of red food coloring into the mix.

So by now you must be wondering: why does Brick have Batman and Joker napkins? According to SCIENCE, the deliciousness of a treat is inversely proportional to its distance from Batman. The closer to Batman, the tastier the treat. Ideally this means I should serve every milkshake in a Batman mug, but my girlfriend makes me use these sissy special milkshake glasses. I did go the extra mile and add a nice pepper-y garnish.

“The flavor, Brick! Get to the flavor!” Oh, okay.

Honestly it wasn’t bad! Like, I don’t think I would drink them all the time, but as a one-time kinda crazy experiment I’d say it’s a complete success. I knew going in that the red pepper didn’t have a very strong flavor, certainly more sweet than spicy, and that it would get overwhelmed by the ice cream. That’s exactly what happened; it ended up tasting like a vanilla shake with a bit of punch to it.

A short time after finishing the shake, though, my mouth was feeling like I ate a big plate of… well, peppers. Not an unpleasant feeling, really; it was about the same as if I’d just eaten a helping of stir fry. It did make me quite thirsty though.

As an epilogue, I set aside a small quantity of shake in the freezer for Girlfriend to try once she got off work. I forgot it was in there, though, and when she opened the freezer to retrieve some unrelated item the glass fell out and shattered into a zillion pieces on the floor. I can’t be certain that wasn’t my punishment for creating an abomination unto god and man, but I can’t be certain it wasn’t either.


6 comments to Because I’m just crazy enough to drink something like this.

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