Apparently jetpacks are real and nobody told me.

And they’ve been around forever. Why am I always the last to learn about these things?

So there are people who are willing to lash five gallons of jet fuel to their backs and zip around at 80+ mph, and we have the technology to make it happen. Why has nobody invented rocketpack basketball yet? Why do fire engines still need enormous ladders? How much longer before I no longer have to fly coach? At the moment it looks like this marvel of modern ingenuity is limited to mall openings and car shows, which isn’t exactly what the rest of us have been envisioning our entire lives.

Doesn’t new technology typically find military applications first? Maybe the government just doesn’t want us to know about the deadly jetpack assassin branch of the Air Force. They fly in, complete the mission, and fly out again with all the stealth and silence of a very small jet engine! Refueling is probably a bitch, though.

So what is the next futuristic dream technology that’s going to languish in some kind of development limbo for decades while finding no practical application outside of stuntmen and imaginary military black ops? Teleportation that is only used to eliminate the need for waiters in sci-fi themed restaurants? Talking animals that do nothing but appear as contestants on low-budget game shows? Laser guns marketed exclusively as pet toys?

Wait, we already have that last one.

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