Three (3) Unrelated Things

Thing the First: Peanut bought me a book full of H. P. Lovecraft stories. They are about monsters and universes and stuff, which is cool, but I have this pretty serious problem: my inclination is to read them in the dark for maximum sacriness effect… but of course without light I won’t be able to actually see the pages. What to do!?

Thing the Second: Did you know that Amish people made pumpkin butter? Because they do! It’s like peanut butter, only with pumpkin instead. It tastes exactly like pumpkin pie which… is kind of a weird thing to spread on toast. But, I dunno, maybe it’ll work with pancakes or something? Or I could blend it into a milkshake? We spent like four dollars on this goddamn jar of pumpkin butter so I am resolved to use every drop of it.

Thing the Third: Just a reminder that there will be no updates on Thursdays or Fridays anymore! So don’t bother coming around tomorrow looking for an update, because there ain’t won’t be none. Well, this update will still be here, and I guess it’s pretty good, so I couldn’t blame you if you wanted to come back and read it again. I’m thinking about doing it myself, in fact.

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8 comments to Three (3) Unrelated Things

  • EtherealMoon

    Read by candle-light. That way when you get scared and freak out, your book can catch on fire, and then it will be truly scary. IMMERSION!

  • Issun

    Read it under the covers with a flashlight. Duh!

  • Kadj

    Read it under the covers with a candle. That way when you get scared and freak out, your bed will catch on fire, and then it will be truly scary. Immersion, DUH!

  • Eddie

    Get bit by a vampire or werewolf. I think they have night-vision and you’ll become totally dreamy.

    – Eddie

  • Lovecraft stories really aren’t that kind of scary… More of an existential horror…

  • PapillonReel

    Read it with a werewolf or vampire under the covers with a candle. That way when you get scared and freak out, the bed will catch fire, which will scare them enough to bite you, and then you will be truly dreamy. I mean scared. Immersion, FUCK YEAH!

    • Kadj

      No, no, you’re supposed to throw the last word of Eddie’s comment in there, too. So I dunno, sign the comment as Eddie?

      This gag is deep, man.

  • ShifterChaos

    Let me have a go at this…

    Read it with a werewolf or vampire IN THE DARK ON A FULL MOON, under the covers with a candle. That way when the existential horror scares you, and you freak out, the bed will catch fire. This will scare the werewolf and vampire into bitting you, and you become as dreamy as eddie… Immersion, DEEP GAG!!

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