Step One: Determine which two characters will interact. The standard method of doing this is to put up a dartboard withthe cast’s pictures on, but in a pinch you may throw a die and consult the following chart:
- Sookie
- Sam
- Bill
- Tara
- Jason
- Lafayette
If you come up with the same character twice, just have that character scream obscenities for some nondescript reason, otherwise move to Step Two.
Step Two: Flip a coin twice and consult the following chart:
- H/H: Character A breaks down and cries on Character B’s shoulder. They have a touching, bonding moment.
- H/T: Character A screams and yells at Character B for no clearly defined reason. Make sure Character A leaves the room in a huff and slams the door behind him/her.
- T/T: Character A and Character B have sex. (If this doesn’t make sense for the chosen characters, make them have sex anyway, but have Lafayette videotape it.)
Step Three: Have we seen some titties yet? If not, show some titties.
Step Four: Cut! Print! That’s a wrap, people!
So, um, yeah. It’s not that I’m disliking this show, exactly… it’s just that if I wanted all this overdramatic he-said/she-said will-they/won’t-they hornswaggle I could just pick up the Friends boxed set and pretend Chandler is a vampire. Hello? Could he be any more sucking on your femoral artery!?
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