Three Wishes

The old cliché goes, you find a magic lamp, you get three wishes. Everyone has the same first two wishes: money and health. Boring. It’s that third wish that really defines a person.

Mine is: I want exclusive rights to Batman. Forever.

I don’t need to make any money from licensing fees or anything. I already have infinite money, after all (wish #1). All I would do is put Batman in the places he should already be going: namely, movies and  video games which have no particular reason to include Batman.

Take Marvel vs. Capcom 3, for example. People are tripping over themselves trying to figure out what the roster is going to be like. Everyone’s all “Oh man! I hope they include [hopelessly obscure Marvel character from the 70s)! I’d love to see him/her face off against [incredibly minor character from some Japan-only Capcom game that sold exactly seven copies]!” And they have a 70-ish% chance of being totally vindicated.

The travesty is: that game’s gonna have 518 characters in it, and none of them will be Batman.

But in my three-wishes world? Batman will be an option in everything.

Iron Man 2? He teams up with Batman. Pirates of the Caribbean 4? They find the Lost Continent of Batman. Super Smash Bros. Genocide? Four different-colored Batmans face off in front of Arkham Asylum to an orchestrated version of the Animated Series theme song.

But no. DC has to selfishly hoard all of the delectable ideas we as Batman-loving consumers deserve. Assholes.

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