You fail ice cream forever.

Sorry, I had too much LP work to do to be able to write a real post for today. You’ll be delighted to know, though, that in the course of my work I got mad at ice cream.

You’d think a bowl of delicious vanilla ice cream would be just the thing to take one’s mind off of encoding and uploading videos. And you’d be right! The ice cream was delicious! It was the box that irritated me. I want you to picture the standard ice cream box, the kind you’d find in any grocery store. Chances are you’re thinking of a little cardboard tub with a removable lid or, failing that, a perfectly rectangular box with a flap that opens up on the top. You know, something like this:

Google Image Search found me that box on the FDA recall website, so if you see a box exactly like this you probably shouldn’t eat out of it. Because it’s poisoned, or whatever. But that’s not the point: the point is, the box opens on the top, see? You open it, you get easy access to all the delectable and/or poisonous treats inside.

But the box of vanilla I have in my freezer? It opens from the side. No, not the broad side. The narrow side. The edge, you might call it. The smallest face of the box.

Who designed this friggin’ thing!? I took two scoops out near the top, so I didn’t have trouble with it, but how am I supposed to get the two scoops out of the bottom without sticking my arm all the way in and coming back with vanilla box-slime all up and down it? I mean, once we get passed the halfway point are we supposed to open up the other end of the box?

The whole ordeal left me somewhat discombobulated. I kind of didn’t even want the ice cream, after I scooped it. It’s not our normal brand — lord only knows where Peanut found this monstrosity. But when she gets home, she’s getting an earful.

I’m a man what takes my ice cream very seriously, see. No ill-conceived box will make a mockery of me, no sir.

4 comments to You fail ice cream forever.

  • You know, that’s also how pretty much every box of ice cream is that I’ve seen. I’ve never actually (in my recollection) experienced a box of ice cream that opened from the top.

  • Merus

    I’m disturbed at the whole idea of a box of ice-cream. I’m used to plastic tubs that have a separate lid, and this is critical, are made out of plastic. And then you can clean it out and recycle it or put shit in it or whatever. Here’s an Australian ice cream company that’s good enough to have pictures of the sort of tubs you find at the supermarket on their website. Pretty much every ice-cream company uses either these tubs or the little round ones you see of really expensive ice-cream that are technically cardboard but still don’t have a retarded design.

  • FSS

    The only ice-cream I ever got in a box tasted AWFUL. These types are not to be trusted.

  • Elfir

    Darn. Looking at the picture, I was sure the problem was that peanut butter is clearly not “swirled”. It’s just a streak of peanut butter running through it. Barely incorporated at all!

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