The future… is now.

Peanut snapped off this shot of me interacting with a vending machine from the future by poking it in its Digital Beverage-Selection Interface, an action which seems to be causing it considerable distress. While I’m certain too much provocation will cause the machine to gain sentience and carve a swath of destruction through the mall from Cinnabon to that store where you create your own teddy bears, I feel it’s a risk worth taking. For as you can see, this Vend-bot 3000 accepts credit and/or debit cards.

As a modern-style dude who lives off his plastic and very rarely carries cash (sometimes referred to as “old-world monies”), I have been waiting for this technology literally forever. Card swipe = soda has always seemed like such an obvious equation to me, I just kind of assumed the reason it wasn’t available had something to do with the logistics of the thing making it simply impossible. Like, the credit card company’s cut on such a small transaction would make it unprofitable for the thirst-quenching company.

I’m not sure why the device requires a giant doorway-sized touchscreen rather than traditional buttons. If the eyes are the doorway to the soul, this thing is the doorway to Robo-Narnia. Also, in a circumstance Alanis Morrissette may or may not describe as ironic, I actually had a couple bucks in my wallet left over from some forgotten old-world transaction, and so paid for my drink with paper money rather than a swipe of my card. I’m sure I’ll regret that decision next week when I’ll be ina  situation where I’d kill for a Dasani but the only course of action is one of Vend-bot 3000’s coin-guzzling forefathers.

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