Flash Reviews of Every Movie I Watched Last Week

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Imagine Braveheart except as the shittiest movie ever made. Now imagine someone set out specifically to make that movie, but failed miserably. That still leaves you about a severe head wound and a learning disability away from In the Name of the King.

Sunshine Cleaning
Quirkiest little movie about cleaning up after dead people I’ve seen all year. Maybe a bit too weepy towards the end, but I could see myself watching it again. Probably would have worked better as a black comedy, a la Dead Like Me.

Off the Black
“Rated R for a crude sexual remark.” I watched this movie and can’t figure out what this is in reference to. If you want a boring movie where nothing happens and which contains no crude sexual remarks, look no further.

Nine
I’m not sure, but I think this is a musical about an Italian man who wants to make love to his dead mother. And wow, it doesn’t say much for a musical when I can’t bring any of its songs to mind, even having watched it less than an hour ago.

Running on Empty
This movie was pretty depressing to watch! Which didn’t make it bad, just… heavy. At least it had the correct ending, or near enough.

Mirrors
Apart from having one of the most brilliantly violent death scenes I’ve ever seen in a horror movie, this one was strictly mediocre. I’m tired of movies about bizarre, nonspecific evil. Everyone in this particular genre of horror flick is trying to be The Ring without actually understanding what it was about The Ring that was so unnerving.

The Producers
Absolutely hilarious. Why did I let this one sit on my shelf for so long? The most remarkable thing about it is that it raised the number of good movies Will Farrel has been in to two.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+TumblrReddit

3 comments to Flash Reviews of Every Movie I Watched Last Week

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>