And I thought it was going to be slow today.

From 2005 to 2008 I maintained a blog about my experiences working in the drug test industry. Every Sunday I revive one of those experiences here. The following was originally posted November 23, 2005.


And I thought it was going to be slow today.

The dirtiest man I’ve ever seen in my life comes stomping into my office. The soiled shirt he’s wearing bears the company logo of one of my clients, and he speaks with a thick European accent that I cannot identify. He looks excruciatingly unhappy.

“Good morn–”

“I need to see Nina.”

“…who?”

“Nina.”

“I don’t know anyone named Nina.”

“Are you Nina?”

“No.”

“Go get him.”

“Sir, nobody works here named Nina.”

“This place… is for drug testing?”

“Yes sir.”

“Go get Nina.”

“Sir, I’m the only person who works in this office.”

“Go get your manager.”

“I’ll be happy to get him on the phone for you.”

“No, go get him.”

“He doesn’t work at this office.”

Go in the back and get him.

“Sir, there’s nobody in the back.”

“See that car? That car right out there?”

“The red one?”

That is Nina’s car.

“It’s very nice.”

“So go get Nina!”

“Sir, I don’t know who Nina is. He isn’t here.”

That is Nina’s car!

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“You drug test here?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And Nina’s not here?”

“No, he’s not.”

“But that’s his car?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

And with that, the man slams his fist on the counter, grunts loudly, and then storms out, slamming the door.

Whomever Nina is, and wherever he’s hiding, I would suggest he stays there.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

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