They say you can find the humor in anything. But can you find the serious in anything? Here are fourteen lines I’m pretty sure are impossible to use in a non-comedic context.
#1: “I’m not sure why the Army requisitioned 25,000 giant rubber band balls.”
#2: “See this? This is my Cannibals Annonymous 24-hour chip.”
#3: “God? God can’t help you. Only Lionel Ritchie can help you now.”
#4: “There’s no such thing as too retro.”
#5: “Did you hear about the guy in the wheelchair who was cited for jayrolling?”
#6: “Welcome, one and all, to the 16th annual Ice Cream Truck Crash-stravaganza!”
#7: “Suspect was seen fleeing the scene with a shopping cart full of peanut butter.”
#8: “Bring the pillowfight up on-screen.”
#9: “You son of a bitch! My father was a court jester!”
#10: “No, we already have too many poodles as it is.”
#11: “These tightie-whities have been passed down from father to son for generations.”
#12: “Man, I don’t remember last night at all. How many midgets did you say I stacked?”
#13: “This is the story of a man who made his fortune after discovering tvtropes.org.”
#14: “All aboard the meat train!”
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I would love to see a movie or something that had all of these lines played completely straight. All 14 of these twenty-five lines.
Twenty-five? I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir!
I can see #4, #6, #10, and #14 being used in a non-comedic context, but I doubt that would ever happen.
#4: spoken by an executive for some movie publisher or something, demanding a remake of some old classic.
#14: spoken with bitter irony by someone during the Holocaust, on a train to Auschwitz.
Just sayin’.
True Story:
I heard somebody say “Who’s dog crap is this?” today.