Crappy Mother Asks Police To Raise Son For Her, Is Crazy

The Boston Herald seves up some lulz this morning. The gist of it is: a woman wakes up in the middle of the night to find her 14-year-old is awake and playing Grand Theft Auto, and calls 911 to figure out what to do about it.

First of all, a 14-year-old shouldn’t be playing Grand Theft Auto. Why does that kid even have a PlayStation in his room? That mess should be hooked up in the living room so Mom can keep closer tabs on what’s getting played and when. (Yes, I had vidjagames in my room when I was 14, but this was back in the NES days before my folks had to worry about me playing anything with a “Rape Dead Hooker” button.)

Can you imagine being the police officer responding to that call?

Officer: Good evening, ma’am. What seems to be the trouble?

Lady: My son is playing Gamestation instead of sleeping! He is a bad boy!

Officer: Uh.

Lady: I’ve tried everything! I tried asking politely, I tried crying about it… I’m out of ideas!

Officer: And you want us to do… what, exactly?

Lady: Arrest him and make him live in jail! They don’t have Gamestation in jail do they?

Officer: …am I on Candid Camera? I’m on Candid Camera, aren’t I? I thought they canceled that show like twenty years ago!

Lady: No, this is serious! He’s awake and it’s 2am and I think those things cause devil worship!

Dispatch: Car 34? We have an armed robbery in progress at a 7-11 near your location. What’s your ETA?

Officer: I don’t know, how long does it take to tuck in a 14-year-old?

I remember bringing home bad grades on my report card, and pitching a fit when my Nintendo went to live in a box in the closet for a month. My parents and I somehow managed to resolve that issue without involving the brave men and women of local law enforcement.

My favorite part of the story might be that the kid was up playing games on a Friday night. Lady, maybe don’t go apeshit about how much sleep your high-school-age kid is getting on a non-school night. Other kids his age are out getting high and/or laid; you at least know where your precious little man is. Thousands of deadbeat single mothers all over the country would love to have that luxury.